4 a.m.
co-assistant's room.
knock. knock.
'i hope it's just a ghost like earlier before. please let it be a ghost.'
before, at about 2.30 am i heard a very subtle knock (since i slept on
the bed nearest to the door). there's nobody outside. the knock was so
soft it's not like coming from a human being.
knock! knock! knock!
'yes..' i answered.
a student nurse peeked in, 'there's a new patient in ER.'
by now i officially admit that receiving a new patient in the middle of
the sleep time is scarier than being disturbed by a ghost. hands down.
receiving a new patient means that there's a new patient waiting in the
emergency room. to be treated (and sent up to the patient room), he
will need: one doctor, who will need one co-assistant (that's us) to be
someone he can give orders to. and that co-assistant will need: one
stethoscope, one sphygmo, and one discount 30% off of the sleeping
time. oh and a writing pen (i forgot to bring one last night and got
embarrassed in front of the ER staff by the doctor).
after checking the patient, we'll wait til they brought the patient to
patient's room. when they got there, the patient will be examined again
by us, accompanying the doctor. administrations, filling the medical
records, writing the receipts and further examinations, etc etc. it's
about two hours before all got done.
now when there's a knock in 3 or 4 am, who will you choose to be the
knocker, a ghost or a student nurse telling there's a new patient
waiting in the ER?
apparently this blog is still alive? i thought it might get erased. too long since my last post. ha ha ha.
well well... i am writing something... it's (planned to be) titled: One Set To Love. as in "Game. Federer wins one set to love".
okay i'm not writing this post heartily. forget it. and sorry. nite2.
don't be too idealistic. when things gone really wrong, people go separate ways. at times, it is a broken bone. it grows back and remodels to normal shape. at others, it is a broken vase case. no way to fix it as smooth as what it was. it's not that we can't forgive. a relationship cannot be built without trust.
1. the midterm is coming in 5 days.
well i've got most of the materials but haven't arranged my schedule yet.
(of course, neither have i studied any of them)
i'm always much concerned of the preparation before the test rather than during it.
2. Steven Gerrard and Fernando Torres complete each other in less than a season.
yippee >o<
3. i find it sexy if a guy's voice is low and sounded like he's having a slight flu,
yamashita tomohisa may look like a cute youngster
but his voice is those of a real man's
(well at least according to me. love it when he talks!)
it had been months i didn't go to church, and few days ago i decided to end it. i've been Christian since i can remember. i attended Methodist school from the beginning so it all followed. they say every worship place has its own conflicts and my former church is no exception. i heard and seen too much to the point that i didn't feel comfortable going there anymore. in a nutshell, i left and found a new one. really brand new. it's a Catholic church. i'd been attending Protestant one for all my live. well i love the atmosphere, it's exactly what i expect from a house of God. i may be open-minded in cultural things but for some reason i'm quite orthodox in terms of praise and worship. my bad, i can't have the 'feel' of spirituality and holiness listening and singing to live-band performances. i definitely don't suit the Charismatics. it's a bit awkward at first, but now i'm very comfy in making a cross, and proud of it, if i'm allowed to say.
i'm still new, and don't know much about Catholic habitus etc. this morning i went to the church and found out that today we're celebrating something called Palm Week. each of us was given a piece of palm leaves, and we walked around the church singing and waving the leaves. this is a tribute to remember Jesus' pain during the crucifixion. it is a beautiful though simple ceremony.
if there's anything i'm addicted to lately is: the johnny juniors.. japanese young idols.
Shounen Club on NHK is a good program (since i don't really understand japanese, usually i download the series from youtube -- youtube you rule!)... the boys are talented and really funny! teaching me to add laughters on my day.
my favourite group is KAT-TUN but i love the songs from Kanjani8, they're lively and quite cute, enough to lift my spirit up every morning. well that's what i need. happy songs. songs that i don't understand the lyrics. like ne-yo said, i'm so sick of love songs. i remember some times ago i got through a phase involving listening of james blunt songs and cried and broken hearted etc... sigh. not going back to that one, thank you very much. (no offense, james.)
yeap. this is my style of running away from reality, mind you.
yosh! i think the holiday season is officially over. goodbye the series of "happy halloween - happy birthday - merry christmas - happy new year - happy lunar new year - happy valentine (even though i never really celebrate the last one)". welcome the season of "nothing-really-important-to-celebrate". the holiday was great. i got to meet my beloved friends who came here and had so much fun. even though my sleeping time was on the stake, it's worth it. haha. we had the laughters that will last through a year. lol.
well now it's time to close that chapter and go back to the old book.
suddenly the mood to write a post had gone. i'll come back later. cheers.
p.s. i miss stevie g.
ah. a fortnight ago i was really frustrated (regarding to my last post here). right now, the problems i mentioned there weren't yet solved, but somehow my mood has been bright lately. partly because i'm working on this new story (i'm hoping that it could be a novel someday)... just having a bit of new ideas can be really flattering.
the new semester is coming. i am trying not to be too intimidated by it. i'll just keep on going like i used to do, with my own style. and for an extra, i am learning to be like Junnosuke Taguchi: always smile on every circumstances! (this guy is unbelievable. he's naturally a very smart person, but always seem to be picked on by his mates. and magically he always always smile in spite of that! ah i love the way he laughs... it sorts of take your all your burdens away)
O.K. des! yoroshiku! (look i don't know all the words, but sometimes i really feel like talking japanese :D)
i am freaking out.
what should i do? i don't have any steady plans of what i want to do, what i want to be. or to be exact: what i really want and how to get there?
no new year resolutions for this new year. i really don't have any visions right now. i want to do so many things... learn so many... but i realize i can't win them all. so, what to choose? which one to be eliminated? i always say that we're still young, we can do whatever we want (responsibly) and study everything.. but ironically that doesn't apply to myself. the people around me demand more. for my parents, i am considered supposedly capable of earning 'real' money, working a 'real' work... i don't understand, really. i'm on my 4th year of the medical school. originally students like me are bound to study hard. earn money? well maybe a part timer. or home teacher (like what i'm doing). but noo that's not a real job. my mom once praised her friend's daughter for being an english teacher in a kindergarten school. see, she could earn herself a living. what can you do? you can only study study study, like you'd make a big big fortune by studying like that.
if she's not known it yet, all those words she said hurt me. especially when i was studying all night for the exam. i really don't know what she wants. apparently in her eyes, i can't do anything right. and she's sick of my attitude when i put my priority on study.
since i was a kid, my parents never made a big deal of my study. they never checked if my marks were bad or good. this is the only thing i fight for myself until this day. i keep learning, i don't know whether it's because i like it or that it's the only thing i know, the only thing i can do. and that thing, directly, can't earn me any money. don't get me wrong, my family wasn't plain money-minded. they just don't think people can survive without money. that argument has its own truth.
technically they give a pressure on me that some day i should be a responsible person, someone who can take care of herself and her family. someone who can do things right. and my most regret is that they, she, keeps telling me that i can't do anything right (except study, study, no-success-guaranteed study).
then what should i do?? stop studying? is that what you want? yeah i can be an english teacher in a kindergarten. is that what she wants? am i considered a successful daughter by doing that?
funny, huh, parent telling daughter not to study hard. i don't know if it affects my marks now. it's not that i'm a very serious person in studying or a geek who always get an A because of all the learning methods etc. i'm just an average student. my cumulative index is 2.8 out of 4. lack 0.2 to continue a master degree. i wanted to be a psychiatrist. but that means i have to improve the index to be 3. and after 6 years of doctoral degree, i have to go for another 5 years to be a specialist in psychiatry. to get my own license to practice, it takes 2 years internship. so, to be actually earning real money, it's 9 years from now (if everything goes right). wow i always knew it but hadn't really realize how long it takes before just writing it down here. i guess i couldn't take 9 years of living under pressure (without mental support, or worse, with mental breaking) like this. so maybe... for now... i'm thinking of letting my aspire down. give up the psychiatrist title. unless something happens. i don't know what that something is, perhaps something that'll bring light to my dream someday...
so now, plan B. just a regular MD. i'd love to work for an NGO, a red cross or something like that. i like to travel too. and see new things... get ideas of what i want to write in my fiction book.
i'm dying to be a writer. the will is stronger than becoming a psychiatrist. but i used to think that both of them can go together. psychiatrist can write a book, right? the point is meeting as many new characters as you can. learn about life. all are inspirations for stories you want to write. i have so many plots in my head right now, but i don't have the skill to pour them in a good proper writing. that's why i've been rooting to study literature, i'm looking for a home teacher who's intuitive and eccentric (all real artists are eccentric, right?)!
the past couple of years i had tried so many things i like. learning how to play guitar (but it's ended because i don't have time to practice), learning french (stopped at second semester, but i want to continue again someday), learning how to play sports like tennis and golf-driving (not driving a volkswagen golf), but both are now paused too. i realize it's not the time to play around now. i have to set my priorities. slowly and, hopefully, steadily make my plans.
so perhaps my resolution for this first term of 2008 is to bet: will my marks improve for the upcoming 8th semester (so i'll consider again taking a 2nd degree title), or will i have to give it up. meanwhile, i'll begin working on a new story.
i wish i can find my way back to the peace i had in Him once again...
